Dad reminds Annie several times to wash the breakfast dishes, which she has forgotten to do three times this week. Annie continues listening to her iPod and tells her dad to get off her back.

Sound familiar? Sometimes it seems like it’s more work to get your child to help with household chores than it would be to just do them yourself!

Try using this approach: Tell Annie it makes you feel frustrated when she acts this way. Speak calmly and be clear about what you want done and when you want to have it done by. Tell Annie what the consequence is if she doesn’t do the dishes. (The best consequence is something you’ve agreed to in advance when you discussed what chores each person will help with). Let her know that since she’s also spoken to you disrespectfully, she’ll get another consequence. Ignore any further misbehavior and assign consequences right away. When she begins the dishes, praise her for her being helpful.

Adapted from the Great Start University parenting class offered by the CAN Council. Call Vera at (989) 752-7226 to learn more.

Dad is trying to get his children ready for school in the morning. His son, Theo, won’t eat his breakfast, and his daughter, Rosie, is taking too long to choose her outfit.

Sound familiar? It can be frustrating getting yourself ready for work and dealing with the needs of your children at the same time. It’s especially frustrating when your children don’t understand the pressure you face to be on-time for work.

Try using this approach: Praise both children for what they have already done to get themselves ready. Ask Theo why he’s not eating. If he’s not hungry, compromise and ask him to just have a little breakfast so he can get through the morning at school without getting hungry. If he doesn’t like his breakfast, offer him 1 chance to trade it for something else you find acceptable. Give Rosie 2 choices of outfits and a timeframe within which she needs to choose 1. Let her know if she can’t make the choice herself, you’ll make it for her. Praise both kids when they do what you’ve asked. Ignore any misbehavior so you don’t reinforce it with your attention.

At the end of the day, have a family meeting. Sit down and discuss what needs to happen each morning. Allow room for choices. For example, your child might have to get dressed and eat his breakfast. But, let him know each day he’ll have 2 outfits to choose from. And, he can choose what cereal & fruit he wants for breakfast. Let them know the rewards and consequences for helping get ready in the morning. If they’re mature enough, let them help determine the reward & consequences.

Adapted from the Great Start University parenting class offered by the CAN Council. Call Vera at (989) 752-7226 to learn more.

Mom hears Cheyenne crying and asks her what happened. Cheyenne tells her that her brother, Damon, hit her for no reason.

Sound familiar? Getting along with siblings takes time and practice for any child.

Try using this approach: First, take care of any injury Cheyenne might have. In front of both children, let Cheyenne know it’s never okay for anyone to treat her this way. Let Damon know what he did was wrong and give him a reasonable punishment. Inform him that because the punishment is reasonable, you’re not going to argue about your decision. If Damon tries to argue, let him know he’ll receive an additional punishment. Don’t argue back.

A note about the use of punishment to deal with behavior problems: Punishments are most effective if they’re agreed to in advance of a problem. When this situation ends and the punishment is over, Mom should sit down with Damon in private and tell him that the whole family needs to feel safe. Let him know that hitting is not allowed. And, work with him to determine what the punishment will be if he hits Cheyenne in the future.

Adapted from the Great Start University parenting class offered by the CAN Council. Call Vera at (989) 752-7226 to learn more.

Mom gets a call from Tim’s math teacher. He hasn’t been doing well on tests and isn’t turning in his homework.

Sound familiar? Before you guess at what’s causing your child to do poorly in math, talk with him about the phone call from his teacher.

Try using this approach: Find a time for you and your child to talk separately from any brothers & sisters. Tell him about his math teacher’s concerns. Ask him if he knows what might be causing the problem. Determine what he needs to do better: a quiet place to do his homework, after school help, and/or someone to study with before tests. Talk about how you will help him with these things (like setting up a quiet homework spot in the spare bedroom). Before ending the conversation, let your child help you determine appropriate consequences and rewards for doing better in math. And, discuss how you will check in with him and the teacher to see how he’s improving. Talk with the teacher about the conversation and enlist her help.

Adapted from the Great Start University parenting class offered by the CAN Council. Call Vera at (989) 752-7226 to learn more.

Carlos is on the phone, and his son keeps interrupting him. The phone call is important, and Carlos can see that his son’s requests can wait.

Sound familiar? Competing demands often lead to frustrated parents and children. It helps everyone if parents can anticipate frustrations and discuss expectations and consequences for the child’s behavior in advance. But, we don’t always have that luxury!

Try using this approach: Ask the person you are speaking with to hold for a moment. Tell your child “I know you’re frustrated with mommy for being on the phone. I’ll be on the phone for 5 more minutes. Choose a book to read or a puzzle to work on until I’m done. Once I hang up I’ll come be with you. If I’m interrupted again, I’ll have to ignore you.” Follow through with either the punishment of ignoring your child or the praise of attention as soon as you’re done on the phone.

Adapted from the Great Start University parenting class offered by the CAN Council. Call Vera at (989) 752-7226 to learn more.

Joan takes her 2 young children to the grocery store. Her daughter, Shari, pleads loudly for her mom to buy her a treat. Joan says “No”. Shari throws a loud fit.

Sound familiar? It’s not easy to deal with a child while she’s having a fit. It’s especially difficult to remain calm and be patient when dealing with a fit in public.

Try using this approach: Calmly state that you are not going to do what the child wants and then ignore the fit. Ignoring removes the attention the child wants, and the child will soon stop. It may take longer than you’d like for the fit to stop, but by consistently applying this approach, your child will soon learn she’s not going to get what she wants by throwing a fit. When your child is done with her fit, carry on with your grocery shopping.

Adapted from the Great Start University parenting class offered by the CAN Council. Call Vera at (989) 752-7226 to learn more.

Throwing fits. Interrupting conversations. Struggling with schoolwork. Getting along with siblings. Establishing routines. Avoiding housework & chores.

Sound familiar? Don’t struggle alone. The CAN Council has parent training programs that will help you handle these obstacles. Visit our website throughout April for parenting tips from our award-winning courses, Parenting Wisely & Incredible Years. And, if you want to join an upcoming training or plan one in your area, call Vera Harrison at (989) 752-7226.